Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
one might say we're banned from that church
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
