in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
