Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize