There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
