Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
