shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
