i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
