yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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