I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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