After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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