If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
