FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
