They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The feeling are messing with the penis
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
