Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
