One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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