we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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