How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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