Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
