Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
