I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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