No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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