Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
