You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
