Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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