Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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