how can u be prego again
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
