Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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