So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize