Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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