I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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