hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
