I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
