I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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