So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
