it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
