I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize