What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
