Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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