tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
