awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
