I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
