no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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