tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
