Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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