My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
