Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
