Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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