There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
