Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
