haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
