I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
