I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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