oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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