i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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