It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
