Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize