Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
