How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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