Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
