I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize