I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
