a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm having to shit out rocks
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