when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
