We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
