I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize