I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
