She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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