the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
