Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
