i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
