Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
