i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
