a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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