Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
