Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
