yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize