if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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