Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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