He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
