So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
