I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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