He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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