if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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