Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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