If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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