I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
