Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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