remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
