I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
