If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
