her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
