Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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