I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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